I’m So Sick of Yoga
I’m taking a week off. I don’t do that often, I’m pretty type-A about making sure all of my dots are crossed (haha). Given the position I have found myself in (you know, that whole yoga business), I’m probably breaking some rules confessing how sick of yoga I have become. Also, fuck rules.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE yoga. My eyes, however, don’t light up the way they used to when someone mentions downward dog, or asks for recommendations for a class or teacher. With COVID world happening, yoga classes aren’t the same (as a studio owner, a yoga teacher, OR a practitioner). I have always been a solitary practitioner but even my own practice has been… just not fantastic. This energy is just GAAH, and this week, I’m just going to sit in the goop and see what comes out of it all.
In taking off this week, I’ve had little to do but fix up an AirBnB house that was attacked by meth heads (seriously) and reflect on the wackiness that 2020 has been thus far. Two days of driving to get here. Lots of sitting once we got out of the car. Maybe a couple of beers (ahem) to celebrate with friends. But mostly… tons of thinking, processing, angsting (which is nothing new). This blog, this new website is a product of these days off (because I can’t actually NOT work on something). My unswollen feet and ankles are also a part of these days off (who knew 5,000 steps throughout a brick & mortar yoga business was so damaging to annually sprained ankles?).
This week, I’m writing again, which is important since I somehow stopped writing to be in yoga world. I’m writing this to fill in the home page on the site, but also, I’m writing this because I am just SO tired of yoga (even if the thought of leaving it behind makes me sad). I’m sick of what (it seems) most people think yoga is supposed to be (y’know, corporate, Instagram, spiritual gangster yoga), and not feeling what I felt as I practiced and learned without those distractions. I’m tired of the “gurus” abusing students. I’m frustrated that the worst parts of humanity are so deeply embedded in a practice that literally saved my ass.
Then, when I look away from the laptop and see a lotus on my shirt, the unilome and elephant OM tattoos on my arm. Next to me, there are yoga books I need to finish for our next yoga teacher trainings. Somehow, I know that this world that has brought so much to me can only return with a renewed strength. We are all in the throes of pandemics, politics, and purgatories we never imagined, and without a doubt, that will all remain a part of us for the near future… and then scar up as we heal from these years.
However, for this week… I’m gonna be okay with being sick of yoga, and see where that takes me. I’m pretty sure we all know the answer.