For those who may not know, I am (was?) the owner/operator of a digital marketing business. I began that business over 20 years ago providing web content, web design/development, and social media services to local, small, women- and minority-owned businesses. Essentially, I was a freelancer who did all things web. I loved it, I hated it, but I also supported myself and my four children for over half of those years in an area way too expensive for a single mom of four. I was good at it, too (and I still am *wink*), but I was also burnt out on all things web.
Part of coping with the life of a single mom of four was taking a lot of yoga classes so that I was able to manage stress, depression, and anxiety. I took a LOT of yoga classes during that time, which led me to teaching yoga, taking yoga teacher training courses (in that order), meeting my Spusband, and marrying him… and then we started teaching yoga in the community. We taught outdoors, or at libraries, with the goal of helping those who wanted to take yoga classes… take yoga classes. We helped with fundraising for local organizations. We did yoga demos at farmers’ markets and talked to people who had absolutely no desire to set foot in a yoga studio. We were relatively successful and got really great feedback so we kept moving forward. Over the course of two years, the yoga business moved forward, my business began to fall apart, and the decision was made to open up a brick and mortar yoga business. I would run the studio but still be able to work on my business.
Oh, Universe, you saucy beast.
This yoga business (a “practice center”) was not supposed to be a sweaty studio or a place to show off fabulous athleisure wear or a place to snort kombucha. Just a place for regular people to go and take some regular yoga classes. We sprinkled in meditation and esoteric classes and events… just for funsies, and because those things were what I wanted to teach long before yoga. Rewind 15 years ago, I wanted to open a healing center, and after years of wishing and wanting and finally finding a way to make it happen in the mainstream of Northern Virginia, I finally had my “in” with yoga.
The Universe made sense… for about a week.
We went from community classes in libraries and parks to renting space in various buildings until the official location was finished being built and painted. Once we began renting space, my business died completely, and I was absolutely sure that was all in the Universe’s plan for good things to come. I was also pretty mad that I had to give up something I built to follow a dream that wasn’t necessarily mine.
But, I did say I would be a vessel for healing others during a bizarre tuning fork incident with a friend of mine. I made that bargain, about a year and a half before becoming a yoga teacher. So, whatever, here we are… uNiVErsE *rolls eyes then cringes*
The practice center was just beginning to hold its own when COVID hit. Like just about every other business, we closed down and did everything virtually. We held virtual yoga classes and workshops, started pushing esoteric and metaphysical supplies, tarot readings, etc. Hell, online everything was my comfort zone, much more than being in yoga world ever was. As COVID restrictions were lifted, we opened up the retail space to push more sales and began teaching classes outside. During all of this we still had rent to pay on the retail space designed to hold dozens of yoga practitioners who were absolutely not stepping foot out of their own houses, much less into a yoga studio.
TL;DR: it seemed I had to lose my very hard-earned business in order to create this new business that was beginning to show signs of success… and then COVID hits and everything sucks.
I mourned the loss of my business hard. It was a big struggle, but I was hopeful that the Universe had my back in this. I absolutely trusted it. I did readings, I respected my intuition, I worked my ass off.
So… WHY, UNIVERSE, WHY?
I believe that everything does happen for a reason and that if something craptastic happens, you learn lessons or you get a reason why you had to go through the crap. Maybe it isn’t just about me (what??) and maybe this is something we are all going through together, but it seems like salt in the wound for the Universe to kill two of my businesses in the span of 3 years.
Having written this out, I could have just ended this with a cliffhanger. I mean, it IS a cliffhanger, at least to me. But it is also an opportunity to read some tarot cards and get a little glimpse into what the fuck is happening.
What was the point of killing my bread-and-butter business?
4 of Swords: so I could get a break and some time to reflect on what I wanted to be when I grow up.
What was the point of the brick-and-mortar practice center?
Queen of Wands: so that I could run the show while having actual people in my presence, rather than living/breathing/working online.
What is the lesson/reason for this entire situation?
The Devil: to face your fears and get yourself out of a crappy situation (where we live?) or possibly end up with a substance abuse problem (heh, possibly…).
The Magician: I can make anything happen, I just have to stop being afraid of failing (said MocKiNGly while pointing out the failures that have led me to this reading).
P.S. Why was this all about me?
8 of Wands: because you weren’t fulfilling your soul purpose.
So what is that soul purpose?
The Empress: healing others. Gross.
So… here we are. Everything is crashing down so that it can all be rebuilt, which is probably also a nod to the new world of masks, social distance, and social responsibility. This journey isn’t over yet, not for me (dammit) or for you (haha!).
But also… WHY ALL THE DRAMA, UNIVERSE? I sAiD i WouLd Do it!